Can you hold your own power?

This morning, as I moved into my luteal phase, I felt so much power and anger and intensity emanating from my body, and especially from my womb space.

I lashed out at my children in their normal wild child behavior because I was just. feeling. so. intense… and I felt I didn’t have any bandwidth leftover in my Self to be able to deal with what *I* viewed as any of their bullsh*t (lol).

What I realized later as I drove to the market, is that I (and all women) do carry so much power, and as I personally gain access to more and more of my own power, I also have to gain access in my body to the ability and the capacity to *hold* that power.

The way I view my power is similar to an atomic bomb (lol again, but hey, I'm an Aries moon so it fits my experience). This morning, it felt like nuclear fission inside my body, like it could destroy anything if I allowed it to. It actually did create destruction when I lashed out at my kids’ behavior.

Like the goddess Kali, I felt myself contain all the destructive power and rage of that aspect of the feminine experience.

(Those of you who know me, know I am a generally peaceful and grounded person, so this really gives you a clue to my internal experience at times.)

As I continuously evolve, I access more and more of my own power within, and I concurrently, if I’m conscious enough, also develop the capacity to hold this power within this body without it leaking or spilling out all over the place.

As this concept clicked into place, and I consciously switched to this awareness and this capacity within myself this morning, I felt more of an embodied sense of power and presence than I have ever felt before in my life, like I was invincible.

As I was walking around at the farmer’s market, connected to and containing a different power source than I ever have been before, I could feel the difference in how I experienced the world. More ease, more joy, more power of course, more confidence, more presence, stronger will. It was like I was high. 

Generally speaking, I’ve noticed that as women (and myself) begin to access more and more of our power we can kind of leak it out of ourselves and it spills over onto everyone around us… in the form of discord or anger or passion or even, in intimate relationships, as leaky sexual energy… We feel power and we “use” the power on those around us because we can’t hold it.

This is just what we’re used to as women, to be honest.. No one has taught us to hold our own power or to even be connected to it in the first place.

If we can develop the capacity to contain this power as we gain more and more connection to the innate power within us, we become *magnetic* in a different way.

Instead of spilling our energy out of our relationship or out of our body or out onto other people, projecting it…  we are able to *contain* it.. and then that power becomes the source of frequency and energy within, that other people and LIFE responds to in a different way.

My kids are less chaotic when they feel me containing my power well, instead of them subconsciously worrying it will spill out onto them at any given moment.

It makes so much sense. It’s so beautiful.

This is a slightly weird analogy but think of it this way: nuclear bombs exist in the world, everywhere, every day, and are not detonated or set off or used for destruction anymore… The countries that “hold” these weapons are able to holdthem without using them, and that gives them “power” in the world..

We have this internal power source, this internal nuclear power that creates life (like the power of the Big Bang), sustains life, pours creative energy into the rest of our system… It’s within our bodies as women.

And we can also develop the capacity, just like all of the countries that have nuclear bombs, to just hold it within the container of our own body.

And just as a country that is developing their own nuclear power develops a different “power” footing in the world, we as women develop a different standing in the world as we build a capacity to hold the creation/destruction power within, instead of detonating it, instead of allowing it to spill out and cause harm in the world around us.

As we develop the capacity to explore our own power and explore all of the range of what it means to be a woman, we become able to hold others in their own exploration of what it means to be a fully expressed woman, as well. Which is SUCH a treat :) 

There are hundreds of different aspects or faces of the feminine that we contain with our bodies: rage, anger, destruction, softness, tenderness, holding, sweetness, creation, magic, keepers of tradition…

We contain multitudes.

And as natural space holders (women gather together to share/dump/gossip and be witnessed in their lived experience all the time! So we are all space holders for each other every day.), when we are adept at containing the multitude of our *own* facets of feminine expression, we can safely hold space for anything that anyone else could experience, too.

I always tell my clients, “Whatever wants to come up to be seen and felt and heard and smelled and tasted in a session, whether it’s disgust or rage or grief or anger or sadness or sorrow or hysterical, cackling laughter, or rapturous pleasure… *Whatever* wants to come up is welcome and will be received with unconditional loving acceptance. Because.. I can handle it in you. Because… I can handle it within myself.”

I’ve allowed myself to experience ALL of it, within my own being, and I’ve also held many other women through their own expression and exploration of *all* of the different multitudes within themselves as well. You literally can not surprise me at this point. I will be there, no matter what, grounded, and able to hold it all.

I got you. Because I got me, first. :)