A major growth edge.
I'm so glad to feel you here with me, friend :) Thanks for opening this email and spending time with me today <3
I had some major breakthroughs lately… Like… MAJOR…
A veil or a weight lifted off of me, and ohhhh it feels so good :)
What prompted this has been a complex blend of uncoupling from my husband, spiraling into unknown territory of supporting myself completely - for the first time in 12-ish years, and diving into my own healing and inner resourcing journey hard.
What has transpired is a remembering…
An awareness awakening within me that I’m not supposed to be focusing on online promotion or online clients/containers..
And instead, what I am supposed to be doing is.. focusing on in-person beauty and connection and healing and activation here in Nosara.
My community here is strong, high-vibrational, and also so desiring of self-betterment .. not just for the sake of tweaking ourselves constantly in order to attain some sense of perfection…
But because the people here are here to change the world for the better.
The people who move here are here to be anchors for their communities and clients all over the world.
I’m not saying this is better or worse than any other place, just that I’m tuned in to what I actually am sitting on here now, more than I have allowed myself to be.
Leading up to this epiphany, I was splitting my energy between online promotion and in person promotion… and as I pivoted to exclusively actively trying to build my client base online… and dropped the in-person efforts… I sunk into this spiral of comparison and compromise and seeking and seeking and seeking…
Seeking someone else whose framework for business success I could follow.
Seeking to tap into the “limitless” abundance of the online marketplace.
Experiencing grief and longing when I wasn’t successful in my efforts, no matter what.
What I realize is that I was receiving so many signs that I was on the wrong path.. that I just refused to see and allow myself to understand.
Which is crazy because I KNOW in such a visceral embodied sense what it feels like to be in the flow…
To be invited into people’s experiences, instead of trying to sell myself or shove myself in by showing my expertise, my lifestyle, or my level of personal healing.
I feel hints of that here in person in Nosara.
And there’s even more I’m sensing and feeling as I allow myself to open to the idea of supporting women in pregnancy, birth, and postpartum here, in ADDITION to supporting people in their healing and expansion and remembrance journeys.
And there’s even MORE I’m sensing and feeling as I allow myself to open to the idea of supporting MEN and people of all genders, instead of just focusing on women.
And COUPLES.
I’ve been invited in so many ways, that I’ve been resisting, because I’ve been stuck in my own wounding or distortion or lack of acceptance of what IS.
So….
I’m sharing all of this because in real life, as a real person, I have been trying so hard to launch transformational healing programs and offerings that you, yes YOU, would PERHAPS enjoy or desire enough to exchange your hard-earned money.
And all of this effort from my end was misguided.
I was offering based on what I wanted to offer and share. Not what I was invited by YOU to share and offer.
My online offerings had either no response or a trickle… Nothing sustainable or predictable. And this is after 2 years of trying so many different angles.
Now is finally time for me to understand what the messaging is.. or what I think it is at this moment at least ;)
And step away from offering or promoting anything online.
I’m taking all my online offerings off the table, except for 1:1 work with me.
And pivoting to exclusively pouring my energy into my community offerings in person here in Nosara.
And I’m not just shoving things out there here locally, either. I am waiting for the invitations. I’m responding to what is being talked about, asked for, and craved by the real human beings here.
Plus, multiple people have told me that the internet is not going to exist for more than 3 more years (lol - we shall see), so this makes me feel warm and cozy inside in some way, that I will be focusing on in-person community building energy instead of online energy.
Hopefully someday I will be the lady people call up (or go grab - if calling people up isn’t a thing anymore someday) if they have someone who needs help with pregnancy, birth, spiritual guidance, emotional healing, herbal remedies, relational healing, homeopathy, ritual, ceremony, etc… etc..
I have so many tools in my belt, from so many years of gathering info and modalities and seeking and seeking and seeking for my path.. my way of showing up for the better world I know in my heart we can all co-create together.
My path is here now, in my body.. not in my mind.. but in my womb… in my dantien… in my bones. Still “gelling” .. but definitely taking serious form and substance within.
I’m still alternating between complete surrender and trust in this disconnection from online promotion .. vs. SO much self-imposed anxiety because “how am I going to support myself?!” ..
I literally have one more month in my gorgeous home before my lease is up and I have to be self-sustaining and pay my own bills. My ex isn’t supporting me with alimony and we are financially going to be 50/50 responsible for the kids.
So there’s that feeling… and there’s also trust. And deep knowing. That I’m doing the right thing by releasing my clinging onto “I need to make this online thing work, and work NOW” …
Who knows if this will be what is needed long term for a sustainable and secure lived experience.. but for right now it’s feeling like the growth edge I need to lean into.
So, I’ll still use this blog and my email list to share my teachings or what I’m learning from life lately… or to just have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.
But I don’t have the expectation that it will lead to anything .. other than expression for me.
Thanks for joining me! Thanks for witnessing me. Thanks for being your beautiful self. <3
