Healing Body Criticism

I had a moment of clarity recently — one that completely shifted my inner world.

For a while now, I’ve been aware of toxic thoughts about my body, circling circling circling around inside my head. Over and over, they’d creep in.

These thoughts surfaced because my body has been changing. I’ve been working out regularly for about seven months now, and my body has grown stronger, more muscular. It’s a beautiful transformation.

Most people might not even be able to notice these changes on the outside, but I can for sure feel and see the differences myself. 

In some part of my mind, my new body shape was labeled with one word: “big.” 

And with that word came a cascade of old programming — “big” meant “bad.”

A lifetime of toxic cultural conditioning about body size, taking up space, and worthiness created quite an inner critic within me. And up until my shift recently, she was louder than ever.

Logically, I knew my body was beautiful, stronger, healthier. I felt more capable and powerful than ever before.

But my inner critic insisted otherwise: “Stay small, stay skinny. You are getting big. This is bad.”

Despite my efforts to replace the critical thoughts with self-love and positivity, the critic only grew louder. I could feel her desperation.

Finally, in a moment of exasperation, I stopped resisting. I tuned into her. I sat with her and said, “Hi, I hear you. I feel you. You belong here too.”

I got curious. I asked her the same questions I ask my clients when their inner voices and parts surface: “Why are you here? What do you need me to know?”

Her answer floored me.

She said, “You are safe and loved when you are small. When you take up less space, you are safe. When you take up less space, you are loved. As you grow, will be seen more, and people who love you might not love you anymore.”

Her intentions weren’t to harm me. She was trying to protect me in the only way she knew how — by keeping me small, unseen, and “safe.”

Approaching her with curiosity and compassion gave me access to profound clarity and a lot more information than I had before I asked these questions.

I never would have received this had I just kept trying to shove her away or change her into positive thinking instead. 

Instead, I could honor this part of me for its deep desire to keep me loved and protected. Which created a softness and receptivity in my inner critic, instead of the desperation and panic I felt from that part of me before. 

Why Positive Affirmations Don’t Always Work

Here’s the thing: Our nervous systems aren’t wired for logic. They’re wired for survival.

I explain this to clients by inviting them to imagine a young child in tribal human days who didn't feel safe because there was a hungry sabertooth tiger approaching the camp. 

This child keeps saying, “This sabertooth tiger isn't safe. We should hide. We should run! We could die!” over and over again, louder and louder, and an adult corrects them over and over again, saying “I love this sabertooth tiger. I love this lack of safety. This hungry sabertooth tiger is beautiful and strong and powerful.”

Trying to replace deep-seated fears with affirmations can feel like saying, “I love this sabertooth tiger” while the tiger is prowling right toward us.

Our inner child or inner critics/protective parts won’t buy it. They’ll shout louder, warning us of danger, danger, danger! because the world feels unsafe.

For my inner critic, my changing body was a sabertooth tiger. “Big” was dangerous. “Seen” was unsafe. She was keeping me safe by keeping me small. 

And no amount of affirmations could change that, until I got curious about what she truly needed.

The Shift

Now, with this connection to her, and acceptance, I could restructure my inner world in a way that made more sense for me.

When I acknowledged her and expressed gratitude for her efforts, I could finally give her an update:

“Thank you for protecting me. But life is different now. I love myself, no matter my size. My husband loves me, no matter my size. Being stronger and more visible doesn’t make me less safe — it makes me more capable and resilient. I can protect myself now, thank you.”

Then I asked her: “Knowing all of this, how would you like to protect me and keep me safe moving forward? What role would you like to play in my interior world if you're not going to be critiquing my body to try to keep me small? What would you like to do instead?"

Her answer surprised me.

She said, “I want to protect you by helping you with discernment about your food choices… by helping you discern which foods will be most nourishing to you in each moment.”

Instead of critiquing my body to keep me “safe,” she transformed into a discerning ally — a voice of support and guidance aligned with how I want to live.

I've found with inner parts work that these protective parts of ourselves usually have a desire to serve. We are not picking them up and casting them out (which actually doesn't usually work anyway), we are helping them to work with us in a more aligned way. They like that. 

A New Way Forward

This shift feels expansive, loving, and deeply aligned. My inner world is restructured in a way that supports my joy, strength, expansion, and well-being — on my terms.

If this resonates, I encourage you to pause and check in with your inner voices. 

What parts of you need to be seen, heard, or honored? 

What “sabertooth tigers” might be lurking in your mind, and how can you lovingly update your inner world to align with expansiveness instead of contraction?

Sending you love as you explore these layers of yourself!